What other people think of me is none of my business. Or is it…
For years I’ve battled with this one. Aren’t we supposed to care? I don’t want to hurt people. And the absolutely top number one reason…the dreaded + dreadful, ‘but I want to be liked + fit in.’
The programming starts early. ‘Play nice. Think of other people’s feelings. Be a good girl, or boy.’ And it continues on. Until we make changes.
Honest to goodness, I was having my first child. Imagine if you will, like Call the Midwife. I’m doing the whole, natural childbirth thing. Pant, pant, breathe. Honestly, there’s nothing in life that prepares you for the experience:
Modesty? Puh…leeze! Nurses, sure. Trainees, sure. The London Philharmonic Orchestra, bring ’em in. You just don’t care.
Natural childbirth? Before: Yes, of course. I so want to be present for the experience in all it’s glorious moments. During: drugs, I want drugs. You can cut my leg off if that will stop the pain…etc.
But there I was, flat on my back. Panting and grunting. And I let out a shriek of agony. Yes, I vocalized this glorious experience. And I got smacked. Literally, the midwife slapped my leg and told me to be quiet. “Shhhh, you’ll upset + frighten the other mums”.
(So, just in case you were thinking home-birth, it was the early 80’s in Essex, + midwifes came to the hospital to deliver, if you chose. And I did.)
Of course, I’d been programmed perfectly. And I stuffed down the vocalizations and just pushed on through. (Pun intended!) Silent tears. Stifled pain. I was big + brave, and oh so, bloody angry. Not quite the glory I was anticipating.
But over the years, I’ve changed…
Honestly, the bottom-line was that I was going through life thinking about others + forgetting all about me. I wasn’t being sincere. I wasn’t caring for me. And I wasn’t liking myself.
Not caring what others think of you isn’t about running roughshod over their feelings. It’s not being unsympathetic or obnoxious.
Because it’s about being authentic + sincere with your own feelings + sense of worth. That’s when I ‘got’ it.
And it’s truly liberating.
If a situation or person in your life doesn’t match your morals, ethics + values. Well, then you don’t need it or them.
If it’s a situation, walk away.
If it’s a person, let them go find their own tribe. And step out bravely to find yours.
If it’s childbirth…do what you gotta do, with or without the London Philharmonic.
Be honest to you. Be true. And stop worrying about what other people may think or say. And the marvelous thing is that people leave you alone. There’s no way a midwife would slap me now. Bullies know when they can get away with it.
Here’s a simple tip to get started:
Don’t gossip and tell people not to gossip about you. If they’ve got something to say, invite them to say it to your face. Or to ask you about it. Then, it’s up to you how much about yourself you disclose. And you live by your word. Don’t say anything about someone you wouldn’t say to their face.
Those who know me well, know I live by this. And if you do decide I’m gossip worthy + it’s not how Absolutely Fabulous I am, then in the words of Mr. Wonderful ‘you’re dead to me.’
Stand strong. Haters gonna hate! But you don’t have to pay any attention. Focus on your fabulosity.
Change your mind + change your life. And be you. The world needs you.
So, my brave darling, what step will you take today towards living authentically? Big or small, make a declaration to make it happen. Be brave + put it in writing. Comment below or send me a message.
And as always, if your brave step involves becoming a healer, I’ve got courses for you. My Certified Natural Health Practitioner will have you making the world a better place. No gossips. No bullies. Just authentic healing. Sound good? Message me to explore if being a healer is your authentic path in life.